Cocktail Recipes, Spirits, and Local Bars

Australia Swears Off Bogus 'Champagne'

Australia Swears Off Bogus 'Champagne'

As I write this, it is only 1 day, 16 hours, 40 minutes, and 18 seconds before Australia can no longer legally produce “champagne.” After that, it will have to be Australian “sparkling wine.”

For years, the winemakers of Champagne (France), Port (Portugal), and Sherry (Spain) have been fighting to get their names back from a world that liked their products so much that they wanted to call similar wines made in their own backyards by the same names. Now, through arm-twisting and bartering, most countries — but not all — have fallen in line.

The Champagne Bureau, the U.S. arm of the CIVC, was so excited about the Australia agreement that it launched a countdown website with a clock ticking away until the Down Under country can no longer put “champagne” on its bubbly labels. You have only until midnight August 31 Aussie time to log on to the site and watch the clock. After that, time runs out.

“Most of the major Australian producers there have already complied,” says Sam Heitner, director of the Champagne Bureau, located in Washington, D.C.

But next, the CIVC would love to put a clock on the United States, Argentina, Brazil, and Russia — four major countries that still get their kicks from so-called “champagne.”

“Over 50% of the sparkling wine produced in the United States by volume is mislabeled ‘champagne,’” Heitner laments, noting that most of it is the cheap stuff at the bottom of the cuvée. You can go here sign a petition asking the U.S. to cease and desist.

Interestingly, that great land of counterfeiting — China — walks a straight line when it comes to not mislabeling its sparklers. “We have had strong protection there for a long time,” Heitner beams. “They are looking for their own value-added products.”

But for now, it’s fair to predict there will be a few corks popping at the Champagne Bureau’s office on Thursday — real Champagne corks, of course.


MasterChef recap: The one where they try to kill off judge Andy with chilli

Judges Melissa, Jock and Andy take the chilli challenge - and for one it's almost too much. Photo: Tina Smigielski

In the world of music, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are a hugely successful band of enviable longevity that has fused rock with funk while also proving capable of disarmingly tender ballads on occasion. In the world of food, red hot chilli peppers are what you eat when you are less interested in nutrition than you are in seriously hurting yourself. It is the latter which tonight's immunity challenge involves, and there is not a disarmingly tender ballad in sight. There is, though, Katy Perry, who on this occasion is incorrect: there's no cold here, just hot.

Pete, Elise, Kishwar, Linda and Dan – having solved last night's mystery box – are the quintet cooking for immunity from the next elimination. "It's going to be hotter in here than it's ever been before," says Jock, before beginning to strip. He then explains that they will have to choose from one of the hottest eight chillies on the planet to cook with: the mildest of them is over 60 times hotter than a jalapeno. To be clear, these are not ingredients, they are weapons. They will not be serving food to the judges, they will be assaulting them.

I think this is the most adjectives that Andy has used in one episode #MasterChefau

— Ms Dessert Junkie (@MsDessertJunkie) May 27, 2021

The chillies have colourful names, like the Lemon Blast, the Chocolate Trinidad Scorpion, the Hurt Berry, and the I Will Murder You And Spit On Your Grave I Swear To God You Scum. Then there is the hottest of all, the Carolina Reaper, named for its deadly heat and its ability to play the Shaggy song O Carolina.

Each amateur randomly draws the chilli they must cook with, and is then forced to taste it, even though Channel Ten claims to abide by the Geneva Convention. Up on the balcony the spectators laugh hysterically at the severe bodily harm being inflicted on their fellow contestants. The chances of someone dying tonight are very much non-zero. For once, when a contestant's head explodes in a fireball, it'll be hard to tell whether it's an ad break or just part of the cook.

Never has the absence of #MasterChefau’s old judges been more delightful than during tonight’s chilli challenge.

— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) May 27, 2021

75 minutes to cook a dish featuring their chosen chilli. They may try to quench the heat of the pepper, or they may choose to unleash its full fury, or they may choose to simply kick the judges repeatedly in the groin to save time. Whoever cooks the best dish and/or kicks the groins the hardest wins immunity.

While the cooks cook, the judges try the chillies, causing Melissa to start yodelling and Andy to regret all his life choices. "Feels like my teeth are sweating," he says, as all his mistakes flash before his eyes.


MasterChef recap: The one where they try to kill off judge Andy with chilli

Judges Melissa, Jock and Andy take the chilli challenge - and for one it's almost too much. Photo: Tina Smigielski

In the world of music, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are a hugely successful band of enviable longevity that has fused rock with funk while also proving capable of disarmingly tender ballads on occasion. In the world of food, red hot chilli peppers are what you eat when you are less interested in nutrition than you are in seriously hurting yourself. It is the latter which tonight's immunity challenge involves, and there is not a disarmingly tender ballad in sight. There is, though, Katy Perry, who on this occasion is incorrect: there's no cold here, just hot.

Pete, Elise, Kishwar, Linda and Dan – having solved last night's mystery box – are the quintet cooking for immunity from the next elimination. "It's going to be hotter in here than it's ever been before," says Jock, before beginning to strip. He then explains that they will have to choose from one of the hottest eight chillies on the planet to cook with: the mildest of them is over 60 times hotter than a jalapeno. To be clear, these are not ingredients, they are weapons. They will not be serving food to the judges, they will be assaulting them.

I think this is the most adjectives that Andy has used in one episode #MasterChefau

— Ms Dessert Junkie (@MsDessertJunkie) May 27, 2021

The chillies have colourful names, like the Lemon Blast, the Chocolate Trinidad Scorpion, the Hurt Berry, and the I Will Murder You And Spit On Your Grave I Swear To God You Scum. Then there is the hottest of all, the Carolina Reaper, named for its deadly heat and its ability to play the Shaggy song O Carolina.

Each amateur randomly draws the chilli they must cook with, and is then forced to taste it, even though Channel Ten claims to abide by the Geneva Convention. Up on the balcony the spectators laugh hysterically at the severe bodily harm being inflicted on their fellow contestants. The chances of someone dying tonight are very much non-zero. For once, when a contestant's head explodes in a fireball, it'll be hard to tell whether it's an ad break or just part of the cook.

Never has the absence of #MasterChefau’s old judges been more delightful than during tonight’s chilli challenge.

— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) May 27, 2021

75 minutes to cook a dish featuring their chosen chilli. They may try to quench the heat of the pepper, or they may choose to unleash its full fury, or they may choose to simply kick the judges repeatedly in the groin to save time. Whoever cooks the best dish and/or kicks the groins the hardest wins immunity.

While the cooks cook, the judges try the chillies, causing Melissa to start yodelling and Andy to regret all his life choices. "Feels like my teeth are sweating," he says, as all his mistakes flash before his eyes.


MasterChef recap: The one where they try to kill off judge Andy with chilli

Judges Melissa, Jock and Andy take the chilli challenge - and for one it's almost too much. Photo: Tina Smigielski

In the world of music, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are a hugely successful band of enviable longevity that has fused rock with funk while also proving capable of disarmingly tender ballads on occasion. In the world of food, red hot chilli peppers are what you eat when you are less interested in nutrition than you are in seriously hurting yourself. It is the latter which tonight's immunity challenge involves, and there is not a disarmingly tender ballad in sight. There is, though, Katy Perry, who on this occasion is incorrect: there's no cold here, just hot.

Pete, Elise, Kishwar, Linda and Dan – having solved last night's mystery box – are the quintet cooking for immunity from the next elimination. "It's going to be hotter in here than it's ever been before," says Jock, before beginning to strip. He then explains that they will have to choose from one of the hottest eight chillies on the planet to cook with: the mildest of them is over 60 times hotter than a jalapeno. To be clear, these are not ingredients, they are weapons. They will not be serving food to the judges, they will be assaulting them.

I think this is the most adjectives that Andy has used in one episode #MasterChefau

— Ms Dessert Junkie (@MsDessertJunkie) May 27, 2021

The chillies have colourful names, like the Lemon Blast, the Chocolate Trinidad Scorpion, the Hurt Berry, and the I Will Murder You And Spit On Your Grave I Swear To God You Scum. Then there is the hottest of all, the Carolina Reaper, named for its deadly heat and its ability to play the Shaggy song O Carolina.

Each amateur randomly draws the chilli they must cook with, and is then forced to taste it, even though Channel Ten claims to abide by the Geneva Convention. Up on the balcony the spectators laugh hysterically at the severe bodily harm being inflicted on their fellow contestants. The chances of someone dying tonight are very much non-zero. For once, when a contestant's head explodes in a fireball, it'll be hard to tell whether it's an ad break or just part of the cook.

Never has the absence of #MasterChefau’s old judges been more delightful than during tonight’s chilli challenge.

— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) May 27, 2021

75 minutes to cook a dish featuring their chosen chilli. They may try to quench the heat of the pepper, or they may choose to unleash its full fury, or they may choose to simply kick the judges repeatedly in the groin to save time. Whoever cooks the best dish and/or kicks the groins the hardest wins immunity.

While the cooks cook, the judges try the chillies, causing Melissa to start yodelling and Andy to regret all his life choices. "Feels like my teeth are sweating," he says, as all his mistakes flash before his eyes.


MasterChef recap: The one where they try to kill off judge Andy with chilli

Judges Melissa, Jock and Andy take the chilli challenge - and for one it's almost too much. Photo: Tina Smigielski

In the world of music, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are a hugely successful band of enviable longevity that has fused rock with funk while also proving capable of disarmingly tender ballads on occasion. In the world of food, red hot chilli peppers are what you eat when you are less interested in nutrition than you are in seriously hurting yourself. It is the latter which tonight's immunity challenge involves, and there is not a disarmingly tender ballad in sight. There is, though, Katy Perry, who on this occasion is incorrect: there's no cold here, just hot.

Pete, Elise, Kishwar, Linda and Dan – having solved last night's mystery box – are the quintet cooking for immunity from the next elimination. "It's going to be hotter in here than it's ever been before," says Jock, before beginning to strip. He then explains that they will have to choose from one of the hottest eight chillies on the planet to cook with: the mildest of them is over 60 times hotter than a jalapeno. To be clear, these are not ingredients, they are weapons. They will not be serving food to the judges, they will be assaulting them.

I think this is the most adjectives that Andy has used in one episode #MasterChefau

— Ms Dessert Junkie (@MsDessertJunkie) May 27, 2021

The chillies have colourful names, like the Lemon Blast, the Chocolate Trinidad Scorpion, the Hurt Berry, and the I Will Murder You And Spit On Your Grave I Swear To God You Scum. Then there is the hottest of all, the Carolina Reaper, named for its deadly heat and its ability to play the Shaggy song O Carolina.

Each amateur randomly draws the chilli they must cook with, and is then forced to taste it, even though Channel Ten claims to abide by the Geneva Convention. Up on the balcony the spectators laugh hysterically at the severe bodily harm being inflicted on their fellow contestants. The chances of someone dying tonight are very much non-zero. For once, when a contestant's head explodes in a fireball, it'll be hard to tell whether it's an ad break or just part of the cook.

Never has the absence of #MasterChefau’s old judges been more delightful than during tonight’s chilli challenge.

— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) May 27, 2021

75 minutes to cook a dish featuring their chosen chilli. They may try to quench the heat of the pepper, or they may choose to unleash its full fury, or they may choose to simply kick the judges repeatedly in the groin to save time. Whoever cooks the best dish and/or kicks the groins the hardest wins immunity.

While the cooks cook, the judges try the chillies, causing Melissa to start yodelling and Andy to regret all his life choices. "Feels like my teeth are sweating," he says, as all his mistakes flash before his eyes.


MasterChef recap: The one where they try to kill off judge Andy with chilli

Judges Melissa, Jock and Andy take the chilli challenge - and for one it's almost too much. Photo: Tina Smigielski

In the world of music, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are a hugely successful band of enviable longevity that has fused rock with funk while also proving capable of disarmingly tender ballads on occasion. In the world of food, red hot chilli peppers are what you eat when you are less interested in nutrition than you are in seriously hurting yourself. It is the latter which tonight's immunity challenge involves, and there is not a disarmingly tender ballad in sight. There is, though, Katy Perry, who on this occasion is incorrect: there's no cold here, just hot.

Pete, Elise, Kishwar, Linda and Dan – having solved last night's mystery box – are the quintet cooking for immunity from the next elimination. "It's going to be hotter in here than it's ever been before," says Jock, before beginning to strip. He then explains that they will have to choose from one of the hottest eight chillies on the planet to cook with: the mildest of them is over 60 times hotter than a jalapeno. To be clear, these are not ingredients, they are weapons. They will not be serving food to the judges, they will be assaulting them.

I think this is the most adjectives that Andy has used in one episode #MasterChefau

— Ms Dessert Junkie (@MsDessertJunkie) May 27, 2021

The chillies have colourful names, like the Lemon Blast, the Chocolate Trinidad Scorpion, the Hurt Berry, and the I Will Murder You And Spit On Your Grave I Swear To God You Scum. Then there is the hottest of all, the Carolina Reaper, named for its deadly heat and its ability to play the Shaggy song O Carolina.

Each amateur randomly draws the chilli they must cook with, and is then forced to taste it, even though Channel Ten claims to abide by the Geneva Convention. Up on the balcony the spectators laugh hysterically at the severe bodily harm being inflicted on their fellow contestants. The chances of someone dying tonight are very much non-zero. For once, when a contestant's head explodes in a fireball, it'll be hard to tell whether it's an ad break or just part of the cook.

Never has the absence of #MasterChefau’s old judges been more delightful than during tonight’s chilli challenge.

— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) May 27, 2021

75 minutes to cook a dish featuring their chosen chilli. They may try to quench the heat of the pepper, or they may choose to unleash its full fury, or they may choose to simply kick the judges repeatedly in the groin to save time. Whoever cooks the best dish and/or kicks the groins the hardest wins immunity.

While the cooks cook, the judges try the chillies, causing Melissa to start yodelling and Andy to regret all his life choices. "Feels like my teeth are sweating," he says, as all his mistakes flash before his eyes.


MasterChef recap: The one where they try to kill off judge Andy with chilli

Judges Melissa, Jock and Andy take the chilli challenge - and for one it's almost too much. Photo: Tina Smigielski

In the world of music, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are a hugely successful band of enviable longevity that has fused rock with funk while also proving capable of disarmingly tender ballads on occasion. In the world of food, red hot chilli peppers are what you eat when you are less interested in nutrition than you are in seriously hurting yourself. It is the latter which tonight's immunity challenge involves, and there is not a disarmingly tender ballad in sight. There is, though, Katy Perry, who on this occasion is incorrect: there's no cold here, just hot.

Pete, Elise, Kishwar, Linda and Dan – having solved last night's mystery box – are the quintet cooking for immunity from the next elimination. "It's going to be hotter in here than it's ever been before," says Jock, before beginning to strip. He then explains that they will have to choose from one of the hottest eight chillies on the planet to cook with: the mildest of them is over 60 times hotter than a jalapeno. To be clear, these are not ingredients, they are weapons. They will not be serving food to the judges, they will be assaulting them.

I think this is the most adjectives that Andy has used in one episode #MasterChefau

— Ms Dessert Junkie (@MsDessertJunkie) May 27, 2021

The chillies have colourful names, like the Lemon Blast, the Chocolate Trinidad Scorpion, the Hurt Berry, and the I Will Murder You And Spit On Your Grave I Swear To God You Scum. Then there is the hottest of all, the Carolina Reaper, named for its deadly heat and its ability to play the Shaggy song O Carolina.

Each amateur randomly draws the chilli they must cook with, and is then forced to taste it, even though Channel Ten claims to abide by the Geneva Convention. Up on the balcony the spectators laugh hysterically at the severe bodily harm being inflicted on their fellow contestants. The chances of someone dying tonight are very much non-zero. For once, when a contestant's head explodes in a fireball, it'll be hard to tell whether it's an ad break or just part of the cook.

Never has the absence of #MasterChefau’s old judges been more delightful than during tonight’s chilli challenge.

— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) May 27, 2021

75 minutes to cook a dish featuring their chosen chilli. They may try to quench the heat of the pepper, or they may choose to unleash its full fury, or they may choose to simply kick the judges repeatedly in the groin to save time. Whoever cooks the best dish and/or kicks the groins the hardest wins immunity.

While the cooks cook, the judges try the chillies, causing Melissa to start yodelling and Andy to regret all his life choices. "Feels like my teeth are sweating," he says, as all his mistakes flash before his eyes.


MasterChef recap: The one where they try to kill off judge Andy with chilli

Judges Melissa, Jock and Andy take the chilli challenge - and for one it's almost too much. Photo: Tina Smigielski

In the world of music, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are a hugely successful band of enviable longevity that has fused rock with funk while also proving capable of disarmingly tender ballads on occasion. In the world of food, red hot chilli peppers are what you eat when you are less interested in nutrition than you are in seriously hurting yourself. It is the latter which tonight's immunity challenge involves, and there is not a disarmingly tender ballad in sight. There is, though, Katy Perry, who on this occasion is incorrect: there's no cold here, just hot.

Pete, Elise, Kishwar, Linda and Dan – having solved last night's mystery box – are the quintet cooking for immunity from the next elimination. "It's going to be hotter in here than it's ever been before," says Jock, before beginning to strip. He then explains that they will have to choose from one of the hottest eight chillies on the planet to cook with: the mildest of them is over 60 times hotter than a jalapeno. To be clear, these are not ingredients, they are weapons. They will not be serving food to the judges, they will be assaulting them.

I think this is the most adjectives that Andy has used in one episode #MasterChefau

— Ms Dessert Junkie (@MsDessertJunkie) May 27, 2021

The chillies have colourful names, like the Lemon Blast, the Chocolate Trinidad Scorpion, the Hurt Berry, and the I Will Murder You And Spit On Your Grave I Swear To God You Scum. Then there is the hottest of all, the Carolina Reaper, named for its deadly heat and its ability to play the Shaggy song O Carolina.

Each amateur randomly draws the chilli they must cook with, and is then forced to taste it, even though Channel Ten claims to abide by the Geneva Convention. Up on the balcony the spectators laugh hysterically at the severe bodily harm being inflicted on their fellow contestants. The chances of someone dying tonight are very much non-zero. For once, when a contestant's head explodes in a fireball, it'll be hard to tell whether it's an ad break or just part of the cook.

Never has the absence of #MasterChefau’s old judges been more delightful than during tonight’s chilli challenge.

— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) May 27, 2021

75 minutes to cook a dish featuring their chosen chilli. They may try to quench the heat of the pepper, or they may choose to unleash its full fury, or they may choose to simply kick the judges repeatedly in the groin to save time. Whoever cooks the best dish and/or kicks the groins the hardest wins immunity.

While the cooks cook, the judges try the chillies, causing Melissa to start yodelling and Andy to regret all his life choices. "Feels like my teeth are sweating," he says, as all his mistakes flash before his eyes.


MasterChef recap: The one where they try to kill off judge Andy with chilli

Judges Melissa, Jock and Andy take the chilli challenge - and for one it's almost too much. Photo: Tina Smigielski

In the world of music, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are a hugely successful band of enviable longevity that has fused rock with funk while also proving capable of disarmingly tender ballads on occasion. In the world of food, red hot chilli peppers are what you eat when you are less interested in nutrition than you are in seriously hurting yourself. It is the latter which tonight's immunity challenge involves, and there is not a disarmingly tender ballad in sight. There is, though, Katy Perry, who on this occasion is incorrect: there's no cold here, just hot.

Pete, Elise, Kishwar, Linda and Dan – having solved last night's mystery box – are the quintet cooking for immunity from the next elimination. "It's going to be hotter in here than it's ever been before," says Jock, before beginning to strip. He then explains that they will have to choose from one of the hottest eight chillies on the planet to cook with: the mildest of them is over 60 times hotter than a jalapeno. To be clear, these are not ingredients, they are weapons. They will not be serving food to the judges, they will be assaulting them.

I think this is the most adjectives that Andy has used in one episode #MasterChefau

— Ms Dessert Junkie (@MsDessertJunkie) May 27, 2021

The chillies have colourful names, like the Lemon Blast, the Chocolate Trinidad Scorpion, the Hurt Berry, and the I Will Murder You And Spit On Your Grave I Swear To God You Scum. Then there is the hottest of all, the Carolina Reaper, named for its deadly heat and its ability to play the Shaggy song O Carolina.

Each amateur randomly draws the chilli they must cook with, and is then forced to taste it, even though Channel Ten claims to abide by the Geneva Convention. Up on the balcony the spectators laugh hysterically at the severe bodily harm being inflicted on their fellow contestants. The chances of someone dying tonight are very much non-zero. For once, when a contestant's head explodes in a fireball, it'll be hard to tell whether it's an ad break or just part of the cook.

Never has the absence of #MasterChefau’s old judges been more delightful than during tonight’s chilli challenge.

— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) May 27, 2021

75 minutes to cook a dish featuring their chosen chilli. They may try to quench the heat of the pepper, or they may choose to unleash its full fury, or they may choose to simply kick the judges repeatedly in the groin to save time. Whoever cooks the best dish and/or kicks the groins the hardest wins immunity.

While the cooks cook, the judges try the chillies, causing Melissa to start yodelling and Andy to regret all his life choices. "Feels like my teeth are sweating," he says, as all his mistakes flash before his eyes.


MasterChef recap: The one where they try to kill off judge Andy with chilli

Judges Melissa, Jock and Andy take the chilli challenge - and for one it's almost too much. Photo: Tina Smigielski

In the world of music, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are a hugely successful band of enviable longevity that has fused rock with funk while also proving capable of disarmingly tender ballads on occasion. In the world of food, red hot chilli peppers are what you eat when you are less interested in nutrition than you are in seriously hurting yourself. It is the latter which tonight's immunity challenge involves, and there is not a disarmingly tender ballad in sight. There is, though, Katy Perry, who on this occasion is incorrect: there's no cold here, just hot.

Pete, Elise, Kishwar, Linda and Dan – having solved last night's mystery box – are the quintet cooking for immunity from the next elimination. "It's going to be hotter in here than it's ever been before," says Jock, before beginning to strip. He then explains that they will have to choose from one of the hottest eight chillies on the planet to cook with: the mildest of them is over 60 times hotter than a jalapeno. To be clear, these are not ingredients, they are weapons. They will not be serving food to the judges, they will be assaulting them.

I think this is the most adjectives that Andy has used in one episode #MasterChefau

— Ms Dessert Junkie (@MsDessertJunkie) May 27, 2021

The chillies have colourful names, like the Lemon Blast, the Chocolate Trinidad Scorpion, the Hurt Berry, and the I Will Murder You And Spit On Your Grave I Swear To God You Scum. Then there is the hottest of all, the Carolina Reaper, named for its deadly heat and its ability to play the Shaggy song O Carolina.

Each amateur randomly draws the chilli they must cook with, and is then forced to taste it, even though Channel Ten claims to abide by the Geneva Convention. Up on the balcony the spectators laugh hysterically at the severe bodily harm being inflicted on their fellow contestants. The chances of someone dying tonight are very much non-zero. For once, when a contestant's head explodes in a fireball, it'll be hard to tell whether it's an ad break or just part of the cook.

Never has the absence of #MasterChefau’s old judges been more delightful than during tonight’s chilli challenge.

— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) May 27, 2021

75 minutes to cook a dish featuring their chosen chilli. They may try to quench the heat of the pepper, or they may choose to unleash its full fury, or they may choose to simply kick the judges repeatedly in the groin to save time. Whoever cooks the best dish and/or kicks the groins the hardest wins immunity.

While the cooks cook, the judges try the chillies, causing Melissa to start yodelling and Andy to regret all his life choices. "Feels like my teeth are sweating," he says, as all his mistakes flash before his eyes.


MasterChef recap: The one where they try to kill off judge Andy with chilli

Judges Melissa, Jock and Andy take the chilli challenge - and for one it's almost too much. Photo: Tina Smigielski

In the world of music, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are a hugely successful band of enviable longevity that has fused rock with funk while also proving capable of disarmingly tender ballads on occasion. In the world of food, red hot chilli peppers are what you eat when you are less interested in nutrition than you are in seriously hurting yourself. It is the latter which tonight's immunity challenge involves, and there is not a disarmingly tender ballad in sight. There is, though, Katy Perry, who on this occasion is incorrect: there's no cold here, just hot.

Pete, Elise, Kishwar, Linda and Dan – having solved last night's mystery box – are the quintet cooking for immunity from the next elimination. "It's going to be hotter in here than it's ever been before," says Jock, before beginning to strip. He then explains that they will have to choose from one of the hottest eight chillies on the planet to cook with: the mildest of them is over 60 times hotter than a jalapeno. To be clear, these are not ingredients, they are weapons. They will not be serving food to the judges, they will be assaulting them.

I think this is the most adjectives that Andy has used in one episode #MasterChefau

— Ms Dessert Junkie (@MsDessertJunkie) May 27, 2021

The chillies have colourful names, like the Lemon Blast, the Chocolate Trinidad Scorpion, the Hurt Berry, and the I Will Murder You And Spit On Your Grave I Swear To God You Scum. Then there is the hottest of all, the Carolina Reaper, named for its deadly heat and its ability to play the Shaggy song O Carolina.

Each amateur randomly draws the chilli they must cook with, and is then forced to taste it, even though Channel Ten claims to abide by the Geneva Convention. Up on the balcony the spectators laugh hysterically at the severe bodily harm being inflicted on their fellow contestants. The chances of someone dying tonight are very much non-zero. For once, when a contestant's head explodes in a fireball, it'll be hard to tell whether it's an ad break or just part of the cook.

Never has the absence of #MasterChefau’s old judges been more delightful than during tonight’s chilli challenge.

— Maeve Marsden (@maevemarsden) May 27, 2021

75 minutes to cook a dish featuring their chosen chilli. They may try to quench the heat of the pepper, or they may choose to unleash its full fury, or they may choose to simply kick the judges repeatedly in the groin to save time. Whoever cooks the best dish and/or kicks the groins the hardest wins immunity.

While the cooks cook, the judges try the chillies, causing Melissa to start yodelling and Andy to regret all his life choices. "Feels like my teeth are sweating," he says, as all his mistakes flash before his eyes.


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